Friday, February 17, 2006
i can't sleep.. so i woke up, did my usual and sat by the computer.. it's very weird and sad that i only have this channel to release my deepest thots.. some ppl can tell it to their other halfs, some to their buddies while some even to their parents.. i chose to tell it to myself..
there are many things in life that i go after.. but a few hrs ago, i chose to end the relationship with
summer.. we were okie the nite before and all it takes is just a disagreement for her mood to swing.. i shan't elaborate the topic here but as long as i can face my conscience that what i did was truly for the best concern of her, i believe even her mum will be pleased with me..
it's true that guys use logic to think, while ladies use their emotions to think.. u'll be surprised to knoe how a sweet-tempered lady will be when she suddenly had her thots messed up.. i believe we shld knoe what's more important and that shld be carried out first.. but sadly, she believes in doing whatever she likes at the very point of time..
if so, why am i unable to sleep then? well, i dunno.. i was thinking abt the relationship which i ended.. why wasn't i sad this time? i am.. i'm sad that she can't be a little more understanding to knoe the position i'm standing and the views that i see.. if she doesn't even understand what you're going thru, what's more to talk abt love?
i dun wan to end the relationship when i'm beginning to dislike or hate her.. so i chose to end it when i still believe the love i had now is as fresh as the first day.. her voice i heard, was as if i'm her arch-enermy.. why go thru all these just to feed the ego of yours?
summer said i was just a painting to her.. cos my words are only nice to look at and i dun mean them at all.. to me, this is pretty hurting and she doesn't realised it at all..
i dun wan someone who doesn't treasure me at all.. neither do i wan someone who uses "breakup" as an excuse for every single damn thing that went wrong.. i just wan her to understand my point of view and even if we disagree on it, there's no reason to breakup.. but since she took breakup as a light matter, it just shows how much you mean to her..
i remember telling her that pls do not regret to whatever she said.. i thot she'll think thru of what she said and perhaps realised what's wrong.. but what i din expected was reply telling me not to challenge her.. alrite, if you think so, i shan't enforce my thinking on you.. if you think i'm challenging you, i wont say anymore..
there are many things i learnt during my grandma's funeral.. you seriously wont knoe what you've lost till the day you loses the thing.. i thot i'll be fine at my grandma's funeral but actually i realised that i do miss her.. but it's too late.. she's gone..
perhaps what's left between
summer and i, are true feelings which we will not reveal to each other.. i'm sad now that things din went smoothly between us which i thot after a period of time, we'll have this common understanding of each other.. but i'm glad with myself that i knoe there are some things which money can't buy - the memories that we shared together.. and perhaps that will be one of the best moments of my life..
of course, if you ask me if i still wanna get back with her, i still say i truly do.. and that will certainly be the wish for my every yr's bdae.. i want her to knoe that i break up with her doesn't mean i have lost the trust and feelings in her.. but it's just that i realli hope she knoes what is missing in her life.. not a painting, but a guy who truly loves her and will love her in the most special way that most guys will not be able to give..
and in a moment like this, some people do wait for a lifetime.. but i'll carry the faith you had of me wherever i go.. i will love you, until the end of time.. if only u truly knoe how i feel..
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SummerLove winks
at |5:13 AM|
