Friday, March 31, 2006

I Shouldn't Be Here


i knoe i shldn't lie to her in the first place.. but i felt she deserves better.. but after awhile, i regretted and wanted to tell her.. but i realised it was too late.. she had a 约定 with me.. it took me quite awhile to find another 约定 for her..

she was the 2nd blog i visited that day.. after mine, cos i wanna read what she wrote in my blog first.. i was very touched by what she wrote in my blog.. sometimes at nite, i feel very lonely in camp.. tat's when i began thinking and thinking.. 2 yrs is not a short time.. can i made her wait for me?? will she realli wait for me??

i have no one to discuss with.. i have no one to talk to as i din wan my bunk mates to worry me.. there were many worries in my mind.. i wanted to give her up.. but i realised many times no matter wat, i knoe i can't..

i teared in bed many nites, looking at her pic, writing my little diary.. i read her old msgs times and times, over and over again.. with that, i thot i'm not gd enough for her.. i decided to lie to her.. i told her i follow the alphabetical orders in my favourites.. but as a matter of fact, her blog was way above everyone else's..

i realised i can only say my true inner feelings in my own world.. where readers are mysterious, where writers are mysterious, where people can choose to believe or not.. this blog will remain a mystery for as long as it is.. mayb one day, she'll stumbled across this blog and perhaps she will decide to believe me or not..

now i can only live with my regrets for the rest of my life.. why did i have the stupid thinking in the first place.. i shld have known i'm the only one for her.. but why at the point of time i din think of it??

i made her cry and cry and cry.. there's only my last memory..

but keeping the bus stop.. the same bus stop where we met..

i love you, summer, forever..

i'm sorry for hurting you..

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SummerLove winks
at |11:56 PM|

Sunday, March 26, 2006

陶喆 - 就是爱你

我一直都想对你说
你给我想不到的
快乐像绿洲给了沙漠

说你会永远陪着我
做我的根我翅膀
让我飞也有回去的窝

我愿意 我也可以
付出一切也不会可惜
在一起 看时间流逝
要记得我们相爱的方式

就是爱你爱着你
有悲有喜有你平淡也有了意义
就是爱你爱着你
甜蜜又安心那种感觉就是你

我一直都想对你说
你给我想不到的快乐
像绿洲给了沙漠
说你会永远陪着我
做我的根我翅膀
让我飞也有回去的窝

我愿意 真的愿意
付出所有也要保护你
oh 在一起时间继续流逝
请记得我有多么的爱你

oh 就是爱你爱着你
不弃不离不在意一路有多少风雨
就是爱你爱着你
放在你手心
灿烂的幸福全给你

oh 就是爱你爱着你
我都愿意
就是爱你爱着你
要我们在一起

finally, i've found the song which tells summer all i wanted to say to her.. so nice..

my friend's msn nick -
love is being able to walk arm in arm even when you dun see eye to eye

simply sweet..~~~~

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SummerLove winks
at |9:25 AM|

1st Book-Out

hi guys.. i'm living fine, so dun worry abt me ya? get to knoe alot of new friends, learnt many new malay commands and of course, get in touch with weapons.. perhaps i can consider signing on after my national service.. hmm, not sure yet.. shall see in future.. but it's quite a relax job in exchange for your fitness and as wat everyone says - SAF pays you to get fit and get your desired 6 pacs.. hahaha.. i quite agree..

i was met with excited Ler family who wanna hear my interesting stories in camp.. they were surprised to knoe that i was adapting well into the environment and there are many restrictions in camp as well.. it was filled with laughters and jokes during dinner..

free time was realli treasured in camp as we were only given an hr a day.. but we spent half of it bathing and washing our clothes while the remaining time will be spent on making phone calls or chatting with bunk mates or even going to the recruit's rm to enjoy a game of pool and crapping..

since day 1 i entered tekong, i've been thinking what kind of a 1st book-out i'll be expecting.. will she miss me more?? will she be talking to me thru the whole of fri nite or sat..? but it wasn't.. i spent my fri and sat alone and even today as well.. my bunk mates told me this is a period of realli tense moments whereby nerves will be cut up to test the relationship..

here's an extract from her blog..

I believe trust is a very important thing in relationships. I'm not going to have someone make me report my movements 24/7 just bcoz he thinks I'm going to run off with someone else. I still want to maintain my friendships. If you are going to suspect my love for you then why are we even together?

but she doesn't trust me.. and i dun understand why as well.. just bcos i went to a randomly went to a friends blog and tagged in, she got into such fury.. and rather than cherishing the remaining time which is running us by as i'm typing now, she refused to talk to me.. i realli dunno why.. sighz.. so this is the 1st book-out welcome i'm receiving from her..

being in the army has trained me to be tough, the lectures and counselling sessions were there to help us adjust to army life while you cut ur ties temp with the world out there.. it's where at nite, u laid in bed thinking how idiotic u've been when u quarrelled with her and not talking to each other for days.. thinking if only u're given another half an hr more to talk to her every nite..

as the days go by, your expectations of your other half increased naturally.. but for me, i neva had any expectations of her.. many of her friends dun think much abt our relationship.. perhaps she doesn't thick-skinned-ly tells the whole world how gd her other half is like i do.. i'm no longer the little boy who gets angry for little bits and quarrel with her.. i learnt how to treasure wateva time i have with her, even if she doesn't think much of the time..

it seems i've grown up over a period of 2 wks.. my mum said i'm quieter, fitter and definitely darker.. it's true, the lonliness u feel in camp is definitely no better than being in jail.. everyday in camp, eating, marching, running, i just keep thinking of her.. even when i'm stoning, i'm also thinking of her.. i'll just think of her more when times are tough and her faith in me making thru is ever growing stronger.. and tat's how i managed to survive many physical trainings..

it's hard to ask someone to believe in you.. it's hard to ask someone to knoe that ur heart is 110% with her and no one else.. time will tell.. my commanding officer spoke to us abt it.. he said, time is a very crucial item in our lives.. how many ppl survive and how many ppl will fall, is dependent on time.. and if you dun trust your gfs, then why in the world you guys wanna get together but as well, your gf has to trust you that u wont go outside and hook on the first girl u see bcos she knoes u're rushing home to see her..

here's an extract from another friend's blog..

The importance of things can be measured by how much time we are willing to invest in them. The more time you give to something, the more you reveal its importance and value to you. If you want to know a person's priorities, just look at how they use their time.

Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.

It is not enough just to say relationships are important; we must prove it by investing time in them. Words alone are worthless. Our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action. Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E.

we dun need to answer to anybody else in this world.. as long as i can live up to my conscience and summer that she's the only one in me and no one else.. we've walked a realli long and tough distance.. we're beginning to learn to appreciate each other even more.. rite now, i can see her jealousy which also means she cares.. and for that, i knoe i love her even more.. much much more..

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SummerLove winks
at |8:59 AM|

Monday, March 20, 2006

I think I finally am able to put into words why I feel so reluctant to let him go.

it's not because I want him there,
but because I want to be there for him.

it's not because I want him to hold my hand,
but because I want to hold his hand.

it's not because I want him to smile for me,
but because I want to make him smile.

it's not because I want to talk to him,
but because I want him to have me to talk to.

it's not because I want to hear him say it,
but because I want to tell him "I love you".

.2 weeks.
.14 days.
.336 hours.
.20160 minutes.
.1209600 seconds.

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SummerLove winks
at |8:52 PM|

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Finally..

Some words from summer.

Kel told me to update his friends on his army life. I promised him immediately coz i didnt want him to have any worries and can enjoy his new island life.. but on my mind, i was asking myself what should i write ? I dont and rarely write long stories like kel does.

He is good with words, i'm not.
He likes to talk, while i like to listen.
He's the one who starts a conversation, while i tag on his topic

But a promise is a promise. Well, he's doing fine.. busy making new friends. Haha.. and he's BOTAK !! Food is okay in the camp and his training starts today. Hmm.. seems like that's all i know for now. I will certainly be back to give more updates. Till then, byee..

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SummerLove winks
at |10:10 AM|

Friday, March 10, 2006

Before I Leave..

i thot mayb i shld leave a few words from my dear summer, and of course everyone else.. sorry if i made you guys worried by just leaving a long last entry.. i've been thinking of what to write, but i guess probably due to the recent busy moments of packing my stuffs..

yes, u're reading it rite.. i'll be enlisting into the army in another 9hrs.. have been packing my stuffs, preparing and getting ready.. i'll be in camp for 2wks before booking out again.. but dun worry, i'll be back.. definitely..

and yup, summer and i are fine already.. guess we both shld have grown up and learn more to give rather than take.. of course, i'll be missing her the most.. i'll only be given some time to make phone calls and i guess i'll have to balance my free time well..

if you ask me if i'm worried whether summer is able to stay by me during these 2 yrs, i'll surely tell you a yes.. i'm worried but i do have confidence in this little lady that she'll stay thru with me.. afterall, it's just a 2 yrs.. it's also a test to see if our relationship can be stronger.. and also give ourselves the time to do some of our own stuffs.. some things which we need to be ready for..

i dunno when.. i dunno how.. but i knoe with her, she'll knoe it somehow.. oh no.. just had a conversation with her and i almost forgot what i'm going to write le.. but continuing, i have told many people different stories by how i met summer.. but actually both of us are not realli keen in revealing how we met.. we just met at the bus stop.. i can neva stop thinking of her, of the time we spent when we're on hols.. how we hogged the phone from morning till evening..

how i play piano for her to hear.. tmr, i'll bring a pic of her, her keychain into the camp.. and surviving for 2 yrs like this is just hard i guess.. i love her not only bcos she's pretty.. i love her for her witty remarks, how she giggle and how we spent the time, not talking, just thinking.. of each other..

in 2 wks, i cannot use the internet to blog, to read her blog and to realli hear her voice from morning till evening.. and tmr is also just a day before our 3th month-niversary.. wonder if this sweetie pie of mine remembers.. from a child till now, no one has even treated me like how summer did.. both in the good and the bad ways.. now i guess, she's sleeping quietly in bed.. will be joining her later..

sad to say, tmr she has to work, thus she wont be sending me off to the island of mysteries.. tonite will be the nite i'll sleep and hug her tight.. haha.. somehow the way i'm writing, it's as if im' gonna leave her forever.. hahaha.. a little too much huh? @_@"'

come to think abt it, i have neva expect NS to be so close and rite in my face.. 3 mths ago, i thot as if was like 1 yr ago.. till jus now, i realised it's just TOMORROW!!! who will miss me? who will think of me?? who will miss my writings, my constant writings abt my relationship..??

i still think this blogskin is the nicest out of so many that i've looked thru the past few nites.. have been wanting to put a special skin down but can't find any nice pleasant looking skin.. but it's okie, at least i still have quite abit of old entries for my little babe to read..

summer, will you miss me?? will u stay by me?? leave me a tag once in a while hao ma? i'll let summer take over my blog in the meantime and she'll update her when she's free.. cos of course, i'll be calling her every nite.. and when i'm not ard, at least u guys still get some updates from her..

so much to say, so little time.. simply not enough.. i was lazing ard the past few days as well, vividly remembering my pri sch days, sec sch days, poly days and working days.. remembering how i went camping with my friends.. and ya knoe what? this is the first time i'm leaving my family for 2wks.. the longest time ever.. everyone definitely miss my laughter at home..

today we had a great seafood dinner.. everyone had a great time, dad telling me some things to take note in army.. sisters laughing along at some stupid stuffs.. it's been awhile since we got close but it's a nice feeling afterall.. went last-min craze to get some stuffs, came home, pack up and now, i'm ready for tmr..

back to summer, truly, i dunno how can anyone... i mean anyone, knoes me better than she does.. she even understands me much more than my mum.. she knoes what i'm thinking and she knoes exactly what are my replies, what i'm feeling and my mostly easily predicted answers.. i'm very amazed by the power she has to be able to melt a guy, who was popularly known as a cassanova by many others abt 4 mths ago till now, a faithful house-husband.. *beams*

perhaps i'll still meet pretty ladies, as you can never compare the heights of mountains.. someday one will overtake another.. but i can believe, no one will be able to understand my inner thots other than her.. so as they always say, girls shld look for a guy who's willing to love her more than she loves him.. but guys? we shld always look for someone who understands us even more than we understand ourselves..

when she carries my heart, she carries it in her heart.. when i carry her life, i put it in front of my own life.. someday i knoe, if we're able to pass this test, we'll definitely build a stronger bond.. we'll still have our own disagreements but i'm sure we'll be able to handle them.. tears and fears shld neva be an excuse to break up a couple..

as my mind now is in a whirl, i guess i have to stop penning my thots here and take a break for tmr morning.. i definitely wish to write longer but i'm not sure what is gonna happen tmr after my parents leave the island.. i'm not worried if i'll miss everyone too much, i'm not worried if my training is gonna be too tough, i'm not worried how short or how ugly i'm gonna look and i'm not worried if the officers are gonna play around with me.. but stangely, i'm very worried if i forget to bring anything into camp.. ahaha... wat a weird recruit.. ^_^"'

i'll definitely miss some of my readers here - like sabbie.. even when i'm having a tough period with summer, strange enough, she doesn't write nice words to make me feel beta or something, but rather, she wrote things that made me feel realli bad and ashamed of myself.. dun worry, i'm not blaming you.. take care ya? hope you and ur guy will be happily ever after..

dear summer,
i'm gonna leave you in the good hands of all your friends and family.. i hope everything will be fine over at your place.. pls take care of urself and stay by ur mobile every nite from 9.30pm - 10.30pm.. if u happened to be sleeping, then it's okie.. i'm also not sure abt the life in there.. not sure how long can i talk to u too.. but i wan u to knoe that i got ur pic with me.. if i'm not able to get you, i'll talk to your pic as if i'm talking to you..

i may not remember the contents of what i'm telling to your picture, but rest assured i miss you so much.. i got a surprise for you in 2 yrs time.. just wait and see.. whether you're taking over lao ban niang or not, your studies is still more impt ya? dun neglect your studies.. even though i may book out on wkends, but i'm not sure if we'll be meeting up at all..

this is my temp last entry for everyone.. i'll be back with more interesting stories in the army and only interesting stuffs, much more complains and how idiotic officers can be.. haha.. stay tuned and i'll be right back..

adios to every reader ever passed here.. pray for my safety..

gd nite..

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SummerLove winks
at |11:45 PM|

Saturday, March 04, 2006

被爱悲哀..是因为你不在

我不再相信你
却又慢慢想起你

我想这一定是报应

怪我太贪心
才让你头也不回

被风吹孤单的
孤单一个人.....沉睡..


我好想抱着你.... 好想..

with your little spade, i'm going to create a garden for you... a garden i call it..

summer sunshine..

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SummerLove winks
at |11:40 AM|

Friday, March 03, 2006

If Only I Have The Courage..

i'll not tolerate anyone treating me like that.. no point saying it out.. for like everyone else says "whatever we do, as long as we can bear the consequences, we shld let it all out.."

seriously, i dun wan my remaining 8 days to be spoilt.. i realli wanna spend time with her.. i realli wish i can say out all my inner feelings so that she'll understand.. but i think now again, mayb i shld keep well within.. i believe once i reach 21, i shld face the consequences of shooting off my mouth, and treating people like grass..

i believe a person's heart is more impt than a person's words.. i believe a person's good intentions shld not be marred if it goes unappreciated..

perhaps someday she'll understand.. perhaps..

---------------------------------------------

to kel:

it's just another 8-9 days.. why can't u live properly?? why must u create so much troubles?? why dun u use ur brain before doing anything...?? u just dunno the level of ur tolerance.. everything just let nature takes it course.. dun feel too bad towards anyone or anything.. u've done ur best and u've tried ur best..

if things were meant to end bcos of a bad flaw, then just let it be.. this period of time, ur relationship will definitely be on the rocks.. cos u're afraid she'll run away and she's afraid she'll miss you too much.. if u both are able to walk till ur "graduation" from the army, then i guess u both shld be busy preparing for ur marriage..

if u're reading this now, u'll feel bad.. and if she's reading it rite now too, perhaps she'll feel bad too.. it's not impt who makes the first move as long as the first move is made.. i knoe u much more better than anyone who knoes u.. i realli hope u both can last forever.. but misunderstandings after misunderstandings are pulling u guys far further apart than u ever will knoe..

i hope u both wont miss each other too much after u're apart.. bcos of tests, relationships are bound to strain and sour.. but if u carry hatred till the end, it wont do u both any good.. she's wise in walking off.. since u're in a fury state.. no matter what, just keep thinking of the other half's good points and naturally ur flames will be out..

最后的疼爱, 不是手放开...

i wish u both the best..

yours truly,
porky..

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SummerLove winks
at |12:27 AM|

Thursday, March 02, 2006

The Countdown Has Started..

it's just another 9 days.. early goodbyes to all my friends.. smiles..

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SummerLove winks
at |9:48 PM|

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

A Summary Of Me and You..

Have you ever felt like you knew someone a long, long time ago,
Another place, another time, a friendship of the souls?
Two people who share a bond for reasons neither know,
A feeling that they were lovers, a long, long time ago?

Did they stumble onto each other by pure circumstance,
Or was it fate and destiny that played a certain hand?
Two souls intertwined, they are worlds apart,
But the soul, it knows no difference, in matters of the heart.

Somehow they are drawn together, fate has brought them back,
Each living worlds apart, they journey separate paths.
When this life is over, and a new life begins,
Their souls will find each other, two souls that will walk till the end.

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SummerLove winks
at |12:12 PM|